Pure Michigan Pints

Tahquamenon Falls Brewery & Pub

Paradise, Michigan

I heard great things about Tahquamenon Falls Brewery & Pub. The location of it is great—superb negotiating skills to make this privately owned while selling the rest of the land to the government (about two acres privately owned from what I hear). Think about it, hungry and thirsty hikers viewing the splendid views of Tahquamenon Falls (highly recommended), and there’s just a brewery right there!

To say this was one of my most disappointing brewing experiences ever would be a vast understatement.

Beer Selection—1/5

Three. Three beers on draft. Birdseye Maple. Falls Tannin (American Red). And Black Bear Stout (similar to Guiness is their claim)—I’ll get to this later. The plus side to this is no flight is required to try all three. When asked the bartender for a description of Birdseye Maple, he couldn’t really provide me with one.

If you’re looking for a variety of craft brews this is not the place to go.

Vibes—1/5

This is the Disneyland of Michigan breweries. Everything from the gift shop to the direct right upon entering to the animals on the wall, to the vats placed behind the bar felt like a gimmick. Sure, they have vats behind their bar but they’re not really fooling anyone: it’s a tourist trap.

Not only did the vats feel forced and fake, the area was disorganized. If you made your way back to the bathroom there were tons of boxes that reminded me of an episode of Hoarders.

Service—2.5/5

It took a minute to get service—and I’m not talking about my phone; although that tends to happen from time to time in the UP. Despite only being one of four people at the bar, clearly taking people’s orders and serving is not prioritized. They were friendly at least, and did check in from time to time, so I can’t give them a one here, but I’d say they fell slightly below average.

Beer Quality—1/5

There’s nothing outstand here. While they claimed their stout was like Guiness, this is the rare instance I’d argue Guiness is actually better—and if you know me, you know I do not think that highly of Guiness (aka—The Bud Light of stouts).

The red was unremarkable and boring. I get it’s the style but it’s like they wanted to make it as boring and forgettable as possible. (I’ll admit the brewery isn’t forgettable but not for the right reasons.)

This brewery has been around for 29 years. It’s impressive. They’ve been here this long and survived while many better deserving breweries have closed. It’s a shit on the craft beer industry as a whole.

Food—3/5

I’ll start out by saying I’m no Pastie expert. They had decent enough flavor but the crust really lacked—far too thin. The appetizer, bruschetta, fell along similar lines: it was what they said it was, but not that great. The best thing I tried here was the rice soup—good flavor and made a decent lunch the next day.

Overall— 5.5/20  Do Not Recommend

To call this place a brewery is a disgrace to the craft Michigan beer scene. If you’re already here you might as well check it out, but I can’t in good faith recommend going out of your way for a good brewery experience. If I hiked, I admit I’d still stop in here for their mediocre beer. To call this place a “brewery” is a stretch. To suck after being around this long is inexcusable. This is my worst ranking review to date and I stand behind every word.